Lover's Part
by DingoesAteMyBaby
Summary: What Angel thinks after Buffy's death. Songfic. Ryan Cabrera's All The Way Down. A follow up may be done. When he finds about her being back. Plz read. Reviews would be great


_**My first one-shot. But I'm thinking a follow up could be done. Where he finds out she's back. Or something. I dunno. **_

_**This takes place right after Buffy's death in Season 5. Of BtVs. If you haven't gotten that already.**_

_Sick and Tired of this world  
There's no more air  
Trippin' over myself  
Goin' nowhere  
Waiting  
Suffocating  
No direction  
And I took a dive_

How can I stand to be here? At least, without her. She was my life, my everything. And know what? She's gone! She even said it once. When she was prophesized to die at the Master's hand. It's not fair. I understand the statement now. It's not. How could she do this to me? Why would she leave me? I try to think that it's her fault. But it's not it's partly mine. I could've helped her.

_And on the way down  
I saw you  
And you saved me  
From myself  
And I won't forget  
The way you loved me  
On the way down  
I almost fell right through  
But I held onto you_

She saved me. It's the truth. I was in an alley and I met him. He helped me. But not like she did. She turned my world around. Made me see the light, even through my vampiric eyes. She made me fix myself up, get back on my feet. I even tried to commit suicide once. And, she saved me once again.

_I've been wondering why  
It's only me  
Have you always been inside  
Waiting to breathe  
It's alright  
Sunlight  
On my face  
I wake up and yeah, I'm alive_

That's why I left. I wasn't alive. I couldn't give her kids. Couldn't take her on picnics. I couldn't leave her in the dark. I was dead. I am...I was a vampire anyway. Not a nomal one anyway. I had a soul. Even through the dark spots in my life, she is what kept me going. She made me feel...100 percent human. With her gone, I'm nothing.

_'cause on the way down  
I saw you  
And you saved me  
From myself  
And I won't forget  
The way you loved me  
On the way down  
I almost fell right through  
But I held onto you_

She was an absolute angel when I first saw her. Even though you could see the sadness in her eyes. Even through her High School prepiness. She was sitting there with a lollipop in her mouth with not a care in the world. I wanted to grab her and keep her safe from all evil of the world. As Xander would say, she had me whipped. Even more so when I talked to her. When she swung down from that bar and gave me a good clock in the chest. I just loved her a whole lot more.

_I was so afraid  
Of going under  
But now  
The weight of the world  
Feels like nothing, no, nothing_

I was alive. For the time I spent with her back on the Hellmouth. And the empty feeling I have gives me a horrible feeling. She's dead. Gone. Deceased. Passed away. My love is gone. So is my life. My reason to be here. I locked myself in my room when Willow left. Bags of blood where put outside the door that I spent 3 weeks inside of. When I came out everyone avoided the Buffy theme. Cordelia didn't. According to Ms. Tactless herself I wore Buffy face way too much.

_Down, down, down  
You're all I wanted  
Down, down, down  
You're all I needed  
Down, down, down  
You're all I wanted  
You're all I needed_

I went to her grave yesterday. I stared in awe at the stone. That was all they put? 'Buffy Summers. Beloved daughter. She saved the world a lot.' I can't believe it. I ignore the feeling to grab them and torture them. Weren't they her friends? Her family? I find it impossible. And her sister! Some sister she had! My lover sacrificed herself so that the brat could live?! Stupid chit probably didn't even care. At the same time I grieved. I knew that when she jumped, half of her decision was suicide. That's my fault. I should have stayed. Protected her. Fought along her side. When she left that was the end of me. Because part of me feels like I killed her.

_And I won't forget the way you loved me_

I get lost in the memories of her. Of how she changed me. Of how she could tell me to stake myself for her. And I would've. I hate that. I hate it! How can she make me feel like this?! Why?! I hate the fact that I can't stop loving her. Even if she's gone. One thing is for sure. I can never forget her. Or what she did tome. How she gave me her heart. And how I crushed it. Yet this time the tables had turned. She had crushed mine.

_All that I wanted  
All that I needed_

I keep seeing her beauty. The dress she had on when she fought the Master. The leather jacket I gave her. I have it now. Willow, Xander, and Giles thought that I should have it. They gave me the cross necklace, claudaugh ring, and her favorite stake 'Mr. Pointy'. That just put me into more torturing memories. Maybe they were hoping I'd stake myself with it.

_On the way down  
I saw you  
And you saved me  
From myself  
And I won't forget  
The way you loved me  
On the way down  
I almost fell right through  
But I held onto you_

I thought of it. Suicide I mean. The first week I was in my room. I contemplated it for several moments until I came to a conclusion. She wouldn't want. 'Strong is living. Strong is fighting. And its every day.' Her words are in my head. I can't get them out. I know that she wouldn't have wanted me to do that, not then, not now. So I won't. Because even if my lover isn't here, I should live by her words. And I will.

_Down, down, down  
But I held onto you  
Down, down, down  
But I held onto you_

I came out of my room and went to her grave then I came back. I couldn't stand to see the. Not her "Friends" especially Sunset or Evening, or Dawn. Yeah that's it. Especialy not her. It's her fault. Mostly hers anyway. I did the whole saving thing today again. When I got back to LA. Yet I wasn't saving regular humans. I was saving her. And for those few fighting moments I felt I had saved her only to come back to this harsh reality. She was dead. Gone. And she wasn't coming back.


End file.
